Reality of unspoken words..

Pages

2011-11-25T12:35:00.000-08:00

Sometimes Promises are never enough.

The word 'Loyalty' is insignificant to this generation.

Even passed our own generation has no room

For meaningless advice, the word loyalty has become faint.

We never know what kind of destruction

Our hearts will lead us to.

The heart is a dangerous weapon.

Leading us in the dark

Blinded because we know not any truth.

How do i follow my heart..

when it only leads me to melancholy writings.

I've tried to leave memories behind

But they always play catch up; reminding me i can never forget.

Letting letters and old photographs stray me off

Murder my secrets that i swore i would keep to myself.

You always did have a way of exposing my secrecy.

My secrets are now frozen at the place where I claimed to heal.

The wounds must of become too familiar

And now are transparent to my skin.

I have been at this place before,

So i should know how to finish this book.

Each time adding on a new chapter, New page in this book.

I forget how to finish.

Pretty hands bleed, from the scars etched in these pages.

You would think i would learn to re-read the manuscript

Remember my pain.

I've begun writing in vain.

Not learning from my mistakes.

Misery silently creeps through my words and I lose who I become.

Each time your blows are hidden on my body.

No one ever knowing I was weakened.

Tears stain my cheeks, for now the music was lost.

Sweet lullabies'

Placing warm smiles on summer days'

A melody of memories has ceased.

Lying still. I have died a little.

I dont blame you.

I have murdered my own heart

Allowing you to steal my dreams'

Take away the small joy I once claimed.

Still never had the strength to curse your name.

Even when you cut,

going straight for the throat.

Humiliation invades my screaming walls.

Another sentence, demolishing this book we created.

Never allowing me to finish a pretty sentence.

Fairy tales are always left at a distance.

Writings' have become my witness.

These Walls

2011-11-21T22:26:00.000-08:00

We have secrets only the walls can share.

Keeping them alive within their truth

Soft kisses, and warm touches

Countless mornings, when the sun awoke us to each other

Holding breaths just to be relieved

by seeing the reflection of your eyes looking at mine.

Moments captured in memories only the walls can conceal

Intimate talks and soft laughs beneath the sheets.

My lips never going dry from the warm moister of your breath

Pictures fill walls of desire

Never having absence of compassion.

We all have a weakness of being in complete serenity of love

Being in love was like overwhelming happiness

In empty spaces that I did not know I had In my heart

These walls knew it all.

They have witness silent screams and damp pillows

Seen a soulless body lie waiting for depleted love

Tears that cleanse the wounds on my body.

Washing away my pain, but drowning in sorrow.

Hearts begin to beat slowly as time slipped away.

Agony inside my heart .

Not being able to breathe because he was my air.

Love becoming sex without meaning.

Lying there helpless , questioning how it got to this point.

How all the deceit could catch up so fast.

These lies that I claimed I had forgiven.

But forgiveness doesn’t mean the pain doesn’t go away.

Having her lips imprinted on your collar

To remind me that my love was lost.

Which you began to feel my pain the same.

Never intentionally meaning to hurt you.

Asking only for a chance to bring back the love.

I guess one chance was asking to much from you my dear.

Beginning the new year with melancholy writings.

Never knowing the beginning was the end.

Leaving her scent in the home which we had created.

Losing faith because of your one heartbreak.

I never stopped loving .

My walls are my alibi that nothing ever changed.

The pictures remained on my walls invisible to anyone else

These walls can tell more stories than I can in one lifetime.

As if the scarlet letter attach to me wasn’t enough evidence

My secrets have been written on these walls.

Never leaving this room.

my walls have written :

we miss the sweet smell of your scent,

the morning laughs and compassionate nights.

Missing the music surrounding the love confided in this room.

Cold nights greeting you with warm mornings.

I could read the writings of these walls forever.

Reminisce the pictures they withhold.

I could put myself through misery

waiting for my walls to give me the answers.

Writing about our yesterdays waiting for tomorrow to happen.

I could never leave these walls because they have comforted me

In which my soul cannot let go

These walls have changed history

Leaving behind a declaration of our devotion.

Remembering our past so its not condemned to repeat

Swearing to secrecy the writings on these walls

Are like the ink on my body telling stories

Of the pain when it happened,

But that pain only last for so long before the body is imbedded in ink.

Reading the scripture of the walls the stories will remain the same

My walls will always manuscript your name.

Story Synopsis

2011-04-09T00:18:00.000-07:00

This is becoming redundant.

Walking around like some kind of god.

Trying to figure out the world’s philosophy

You know nothing without knowledge

One day you will learn when the salt hits

And your eyes begin to burn.

Thanking me for everything when your actions

Show me no credit for my hard work.

So yet I have failed, in accomplishing any mission.

Trying to find different ways to make you better

In this world that you live in.

Maybe I should of invested in glass

And your time may not pass so easily

When looking in the reflection of your own filth

This mess you created

no one can see it Because they think that you’ve made it.

But you have Your picture locked away behind a bolted door

Hiding it from the world so they cannot see the damage

To this frame,

all they see is youth a price you pay in vain.

Ain't it a shame how so many pictures can tell so many lies

Never needed a picture because you were living in a painting.

Always wanted to freeze time when time was in the frame.

Now all you freeze is pain.

And you wonder why it’s not the same.

Began to sink in this ocean of lies,

Great swimmer but could only trend water for so long.

Started to drown in this wave you call life.

Going up and down up and down

How do you expect to survive?

These waves causing massive destruction

Poor Japan, they were left with nothing.

Being under water you lose all senses.

Doesn’t seem worth it

Thank god I finally made it out of this ocean

Got sea sick from this wave of emotion.

Now I can finally breathe

Standing on land that was created for me.

Because the ground also moves

Just hard to see when you don’t look at your feet.

I lied. Saying I didn’t know if I could make it

Saw my options and finally weighed it.

My scars remain permanent

Never forgetting the pain

Of her name edged on your lips in vain

With my soul wounded my smile still remains the same

Won’t play the victim ill take my part

Wednesdays are sad days at the same ol park.

Understand my silence.

Because this is becoming so timeless.

Think this is the story synopsis

Trust me I haven’t even began to write it.

“without suffering there would be no compassion”

2011-03-01T01:10:00.000-08:00

The pain that I feel is indescribable

Life time friendships ruined in a matter of a night

I don’t even know if I am strong enough for this fight

This agony of my life falling apart in the palms of my hands

Once again by a man.

But not just anyone. My other half

My heart, my soul

I guess years of dedication are no longer symbolistic

My life at arm’s reach but not even being able to hold on

How many tears do I need to cry?

To prove my loyalty

I believe my scars have left enough symbolic memories of my life.

I’m beginning to lose who I am

Questioning if god still loves me and if love is there why he has allowed hell into my life

This no longer has anything to do with my pride..

Because pride makes the heart hard and from the womb my hearts always been soft.

Can’t change who I am for the comfort of your pleasure.

Try playing the victim because you have begun to murder your own heart.

Taking down walls that should of never been built.

My hands begin to bleed trying to climb these walls.

Can’t hide behind my smiles and pretend that I still don’t bleed.

Your mark is so deep that I no longer no where to begin to cleanse this wound.

You have taken everything that I have created and let her in. ‘

Prancing around like some kind of goddess as she rests her head where

My scent use to lie. Doing all the things that we planned with her

But really lying to yourself wishing her. Was me

Do I still haunt you in your sleep because you have stayed in my dreams

I try to hide behind my laughs and smiles like everything is ok.

When all I have are ache’s from silent screams, damped pillows from these endless dreams.

I still feel your hands across my body as I lay at night

And the sensational feeling of you rubbing your fingers through my hair to help me sleep at night.

Well I may have not slept so well but I did sleep

My eyes are burning from watching every sunrise to sunset

Wondering when I will ever sleep again.

I have destroyed everything that reminds me of my pain

But the memories still know their way back home.

My eyes begin to chase stars hoping that fairy tales still can come true.

But how can there be a fairy tale without you?

I was not perfect but I have served my sentence

No longer guilty because I have proven my innocence.

My words have become the bars and you have been locked inside of me

Trying to get the strength to find the key and set you free.

If I could go back. Back to the days when love didn’t hurt so much

When crying only came from laughing

When I love you made your heart sink.

Because that was love. Our love.

And if I close my eyes I can still see you and me

Even through all the pain and suffering

I still stand strong waiting for you to take me by your side

For you to protect my pride, show me loyalty.

Because there’s no real you without me.

one day you will begin too see.

La cicatrisation des plaies

2011-01-25T23:10:00.000-08:00

You have become my enemy.
Where we stand at battle lines
Drawing out our weapons.
Air has stopped filling my lungs
for now I am empty.
The heat from the line of words
is becoming to heavy
I no longer have any words to
speak.
Now my notebook reeks of our blood
Stains that cannot be washed
Fighting for justice from being Humilulated in front of friends.
Friends that now stand behind my enemy lines.
Forming your army filled with
lies and promises that were broken.
You forgot all our words ever spoken.
Now I am a foreigner to you
a stranger you no longer recognize
because you have learned to hide behind your lies and now
it’s the loyalty in which you
deprive.
Ive taken the letters and
shredded them into paper like
pieces and burn them straight to hell.
And I’m a little bit “crazy” in your words if you can’t tell
But in my words it’s not called crazy it’s called love…
Or being unloved.
I am done
Found me a new weapon so I put away my gun
If it’s victory you search for then you have won.
Flight is freedom
But my wings have not left the ground
This war has cause me to be mentally bound.
I now have new battle wounds to show that this fight was real
It’s not just my heart that needs to be healed
I have friends that always question my motive
Wondering why I never spoke out. And only wrote it
I should of known I was wrong singing my friends the same sad old song
I never took the time to listen
Because you were all in my ear saying it was none of their business
Now I have all these photographic memories
Thanking god if finally hit me.
Digging up all these deep rooted issues
Looking in my mirror screaming “I finally missed you”
You might have an idea but you don’t know what the fuck I’ve been through.

Brittnicole-

Dear Friend.

2010-06-18T20:28:00.000-07:00

You came to me unbidden, unwoven you Looked to me for comfort. My hand stretched but, not knowing the conditions of saving you. You came to me with tears and sorrows looking for mywords so you could make it to tomorrow. You gave me this knotted heart as if I was a seamstressable to untangle your heartaches, untangle your life which was a mess. A mess I was willing to clean up. You made me swear under oath that I would never leave you, that I would commit myself to always be your friend. I took that promise and sealed it with sweet kisses knowing I would never let you down. I stood through your pain and raised you from the dead when you had been sucked out of life.

My friend,

I sit here thinking of these photographic memories of you not there. I didn’t know my love could push you so afar, I didn’t know my compassion could make your voice mute.

My friend,

You have drifted so far I can no longer see you. I brought you a light but, you hide in the dark.

Dear friend,

I’m sorry for caring too much, I’m sorry for you loving my heart, that you would make you think I would leave. My friend I’m sorry because maybe my sorry’s will show you how I’ve needed you and you were no were to be found. My sleepless nights, MY pain, MY sorrow… why didn’t you answer me when you heard my screams! You came to me when you were in need and never once did you hear my plea!

My friend…. How could you do this to me?

Fanatic Socialist

2010-03-21T13:03:00.000-07:00

Ok sooo I love your blog, your flickr, your twitter. And even though I don’t go on much I love your fb & and myspace. I’ve fell in love with your words keyed in on your keyboard. When you update my heart races waiting for more. I am in love with your pictures snap shot memories that will forever be embraced by me. I love the way you format your page and make it look all artsy and shit. I love being in love with your artistic ways. And even though my thoughts have a mental spasm trying to figure out what your updates mean I believe I’m becoming a Fein for your social networks. And if I was ever cut off from my frenzies of scrolling through these pages I just might go insane, and I have all your social networks to blame.

Love, your fanatic socialist

unbelievable.

2010-03-18T01:44:00.000-07:00

somethings will remain permanent.

forever apart of me.

lets

2010-03-16T23:53:00.000-07:00

lets scream at the top of our lungs. lets blast the music in the car as loud as we can. lets do the unthinkable. lets leap for a little danger. lets take a little risk. lets count all the stars. lets race our cars in the middle of the night. lets tell each other secrets that no one knows. lets sit at the street light and watch the lights change. lets list all the plans we have. lets smile about nothing at all. lets do all these things one at a time. lets do this together because with out you all these things seem pointless. lets live.

-brittnicole

Our Souls Thirst.

2010-02-15T10:19:00.000-08:00

Like water, we need to survive the current of our motions are hydrophilic.

i have become oxygen giving our compound energy to breathe.& you my hydrogen needing our 2 hearts to make up our element.

H2O that is physically blended together,we are not bound by chemical bond.

us as one we are loved, wanted, thirsted for.

we are a universal salvage

water which carries heat giving passion. interlocking the heat until its released.

our elements sitting on Opposite ends of the periodic table seems to give us a negative chemical reaction. water coming in contact with nonchalant substances.

These "substances" that have the perfect round shape of their bodies. seeping in our perfectly formatted substance. adding to many of these extra chemicals is beginning to make our

PH below 7 forcing us to become acidic. My oxygen trying to format

The Law of Thermal Dynamics to create equilibrium for you and I to go back to our Neutral stage of 7.as we become balanced again. you bring your

Hydrogen

2 my oxygen

making our molecule quench our souls thirst for a lifetime.

This small thought for you.

2010-02-03T23:44:00.000-08:00

you've become the goosebumps that lay across my skin.

the pulse that keeps my heart beating,

the food my soul yearns for,

but

i have goosebumps when you leave.

my heart still beats when your away,

and my soul is never quite satisfied from my hunger,

i haven't come up with a complete concept on why

my feelings are so infatuated with your being.

but,

your soul must love my soul because you kept on reading.

This is for you.

TianaMonique

2010-01-25T23:53:00.000-08:00

sooo basically my cousin is the shit! deff had a jam session in the studio today and i can say im not the least bit suprised i knew she could do it! she is blowin up and yall will have to cop her album soon! o n trust i must give props to greyson for deff taking bomb pics today he is honestly talented. heres his blog follow him. knowsnobounds.blogspot.com. anywho loookk out for tianamonique!

Crying Plea.

2009-12-19T20:04:00.000-08:00

My dad is cruel.

making me feel as if i dont belong.

What happened to the happy little girl

in the picture with her dad?

now all i have is photographic memories of your love.

a pretty little snap shot of how much you USE to love me.

Daddy's little angel.

your princess.

Dad.

Dad!

Dad!?

Will you not hug and kiss me as if i was five again?

Just in a matter of three years it took you to despise me.

Since Ive found my own voice,

you no longer want to hear my words.

Dad i have dreams that you have no knowledge of.

i have lost love that you never warned me about.

It is you i blame! - For not keeping my heart protected.

It is you i balme! - For all these fallen tears.

I blame you dad...

for not warning me of these heartbreaks that i have encountered.

How can i expect him to love me when you do not?

I want to be loved.

Love me

The only way i can say this is through poetic misery.

this is the way, My way

i want to say something to you.

when i leave dont forget the beautiful vibrations of my voice.

send me a note from time to time

Please dad

dont forget me.

I was the first to cry in your arms and, the last to feel your love.

Where'd I do wrong?

Is the color of my skin not right?

is it because my mother is black and theirs is white?

is it my uniqueness that crawls under your skin?

can i fall into your arms again...

will you accept my plea?

How will i ever learn how to love a man dad?

will you take time to teach me?

These drive by, counterfeit love from these men

have been more than you have given me in twenty years.

Dad i still am the same little girl in the photograph.

its ok to make me happy.

its ok to call me "daddys little girl"

I still am that same girl ive just grown up.

But its ok to love me.

love me dad.

daddy.

please.

Just love me.

Please...

-Brittnicole-

La'Niiyah Marie Johnson

2009-12-13T11:31:00.000-08:00

my niece La'Niiyah Marie Johnson was born on december 11, 2009

she was 5lbs7.5oz

so my sister finally had her baby!

i know she was itttybitty

i cant wait to go home in 5 days to see her and everyone else

i can say that i have become so much happier by

letting go of the past,

living in the present,

& looking into the future.

have so many people who love and care about me and that i love and care about as well.

i probably will be taking off some of my post on this site. because they no longer need to be up.

not that the past hasnt help me be who i am today but i dont think i need a daily reminder. but i will be posting more of my work up i just havnt had too much time. =) well i hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and i hope your new years will be as good as mine ;)

Morning Rhythm...

2009-10-15T08:59:00.000-07:00

Was it

his words he spoke?

his smile?

his laugh?

or that he's been in pain?

Maybe its reality driving me insane.

Confusion scatters through my mind

pondering why..a woman would leave his heart behind.

As i slept my nightmares turned into dreams.

& waking up wasn't as bad as it seemed.

Maybe because his eyes shined

Emerald green....

Little White Seed.

2009-10-07T00:25:00.000-07:00

Something like a seed.

So diminutive, & dull.

Placed in a garden eager to grow.

As HER brown skin soil,

covered your naked white seed

her love & passion is what you began to feed.

Just to give you enough to produce a bud,

thats how she showed you her love.

So beautiful you are, you begin to bloom,

& the twilight danced around you from the shadows of the moon.

As HER clouds rolled in,

so did the sin.

Leaving wet kisses from the rain,

that night stronger yall became.

As summer beamed in she became so fierce

her soil dried up & you prayed for tears.

As you commence to die

so did the feeling which she deprived.

we could all see that you were dying outside.

How you survived that summer we will never know,

your petals are on the grown

she left you so low.

Now, .. fall has come,

& you have cleaned out your weeds

a tickle of cool air now you can breathe!

Little WHITE SEED its not over yet.

winter is coming & the sun will set.

Gather your strength to keep you warm,

hold yourself up here comes the storm.

Winter is icy, cold, & wet

but Little Seed this is just your first step.

So scream out your silent tears

but don't give up, spring is near.

As your days get warmer

& you start to breathe.

Look at you now

your not a LITTLE WHITE SEED!

we see you now the beauty you behold,

forgive me for my words

this was your story untold.

screaming sickness*

2009-09-30T08:42:00.000-07:00

Last night I tossed n silent screams.

I woke with my ears at dreadful rings.

sickness prevailed& kept me at lie.

will no one hear my lonely cries?

-BrittNicole

The sole of my shoe.

2009-09-21T22:41:00.000-07:00

I have walked alone, seeking answers

I have lived isolated, chasing dreams

I have tried to prove my worth

To those who are worthless judges.

I have cried my pain, in silent screams.

I have stumbled alone, through tunnels of agony.

But no more!...

I rest my feet in the sole of my shoe.

Now..

I walk with the little girl, I use to be.

I live to fulfill my dreams.

I have the knowledge of myself worth.

& have tattooed my pain, throughout my body.

In remembrance of what brought me to this life.

This life… that has yet to begun.

The Reality of Unspoken Words

2009-09-05T10:55:00.000-07:00

Kissed my lips as we said goodbye.

Tears lavished my eyes aware I would see yu again

Gazing at yur lips as they expressed the words I’ve been yearning to hear.

The..

I-I would never hurt you like the rest.

The..

L –Lies are not tattooed on my lips.

The..

O-Offering you a shoulder to cry on.

The..

V-Victoriously showing I’m like no other “man”

The..

E-Engaged in my feelings for yu.

The..

Y-You cant see how I really am.

The..

O-Overcoming the game for you.

The..

U-Uniquely strategizing how not to break your heart.

A Delivered Letter contradicted all these words you pronounced.

Made me realize..

The Reality of Unspoken words.

Delivered Letter

2009-07-14T03:59:00.000-07:00

I wrote yu a letter.
The bruises, the scraps that came from my fingertips.
Created this masterpiece.
All my wants and desires.
My hopes and my dreams.
Dripped in ink upon my white sheets.
This letter contained everything
That my tongue would not let me untie.
A vivid picture; more like a painting
Of how the inside of my heart looks.
Da Vinci himself could not paint a more elaborate picture.
Einstein could not come up with a superior concept than I
To explain to thee in words.
I carefully placed my letter in a bottle
And let the edges of my feet touch the tip of the shore.
Debating whether I should risk the journey
And let my bleeding fingertips be set out in this ocean.
As my emotions weaved through the waves
I can only hope my heart reaches its destination.
See… I wrote yu this letter
And it was sent out to sea
Somethings locked, and I hope yu have the key.
BrittNicole-

Condemned

2009-07-04T12:27:00.000-07:00

Today I let yu get to me.
I was weak.
Why I let yu get so close
When I maintained yu at a distance.
Not listening to myself
Gets me to where im at.
Starting as a emotionless attraction
With unattached words.
Yu anger me with yur pride
But yet I seem to never stay mad.
Yu have become my forbidden fruit
The one im not suppose to touch.
But yet im a woman.
With the weakness of eve within me.
Disappointed by truth my apple will rust,
Not knowing if my lust will overwhelm me.
But lust has hurt me before
The kind that has changed a life.
At times I seem to care so much
That I stop caring at all.
I try to keep my mind open to love yu
But my heart is secretly prepared to let yu go.
A constant breakdown in my mind
Of yur unfair, my selfish, way of thinking
Situation.
Then I stop…
And think…
I wont cry.
It makes me weak.
But the feeling makes me write.
Write stupid poetry about love and hate.
Yur getting me like this..
Again.
Yur giving me emotions
Pain.
Want.
Hope.
Love.
Anxiety.
Im opening up again.
Damn. Im a poet
Again.
Life.

BrittNicole-

Just a Thought#2**

2009-05-29T14:29:00.000-07:00

A concrete smile
that i am unacquainted with
seems to overwhelm me with confusion.
my mind is twisted, concluded that
my heart is no longer embedded underneath my ribs.
no heart, that could pump blood through my veins
which would leave me..breathless.
as my sun-kissed cheeks rose
at the aspiration of you relieving my pain.
my frame stiffens
and my face is flushed.
as i forgot how it felt to be admired.
so i thank you.
because happiness is all i desired.

Brittnicole-

fundamentals of life.

2009-05-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

so i know i havnt posted in a while just been on some lowkey type of ish.

if you want to read this then cool if not then dont.

for the last two months i think i have been beyond nice.

took ppls opinions in consideration when i really shouldnt of thought twice about what

they.

thought.

well i guess this is the new me. same person and everything but i dont think

im ever going to allow someone to use me again. i thought i was the problem when in all reality i wasnt. i know what i want out of life and its definitely not bad karma. i guess you can say im not

lost.

i know who i am (or at least learning more about myself everyday)

ive learned you cant teach someone how to grow up. its something that comes natural..kind of something you adapt too.

so right now i have people in my life that need to be in my life for the moment or maybe even forever who knows. people come in & out of your life just to get you to the next chapter in your book.

once the chapter has ended you keep reading. life goes on.

there is really no explanation for why things happen they just do.

ill look back on these last two months and say

damn.

it may be stormy right now..but it cant rain forever=)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

so me and the girls took a lil vaca to LA this weekend to get away. i can say i have never laughed so much in one weekend too much fun
met up with some pretty cool people..made new friends sooo for the most part the weekend was
doooppeee... lol

so this weekend is making me rethink my location.. i could deff do cali for a while get my stuff together. idk. AZ just has old memories and hot weather. lol.

Sex in the City Ladies/Reckless

2009-05-04T23:57:00.000-07:00

But we Are O so ReckLess

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so we went swimming and had a sex in the city moment night.

so like imagine us like 50 years from now super old and ish.. hahahah o gosh i hope not

Can anyone guess which one of the girls from the sex in the city movie lol ??? if you know our personalities you might be able to get 2 out of 4 lol

& when i need comfort they will be the first i call. =)

Skeonamm. Sundays.

2009-04-21T00:11:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was pretty chill didn't really do anything but relax, eat, and think.

buuuuttt

i have been looking for a photographer because one of my roomies (Tina)

works at a modeling acting agency. and nooo i dont want to be a model. been there done that

and i must say it wasn't for me i was way to bored. its for some but its more of a fun spare time thing for me.

ok ok so she is trying to set up some auditions for me on some acting gigs. nothing like super big

but like commercials and like short tv shows. i do need a profile for this and the

young modeling pics moms has under the bed from forever ago aint going to cut it.

so i have been lookin' around and i did meet this really cool guy that has done photography at some fashion shows... that

wanted me to see his work. he did a photo shoot with my other roomie(jenny) and i like his style.

its different. well anyways he snap a pic of me and i decided to save it so here it is=)

Ok soo lets keep in mind i wasnt going for a picture so i wasnt really camera ready my apologies lol

Just a thought*-#1

2009-04-14T21:57:00.000-07:00

Apprehending that I’ve always been in power.
Allowing YOU back into MY Life.
But.. Somehow through all
The Chances…
The Kisses…
The love makin’ with… the I love yu’s
And.. let’s not forget ..
THE SORRYS
Yu still manage to fuck up.
And yu wondered.. why my guard was up?
Realizing but not acknowledging
That decisions should be made for me
And not blurred by the vision of my heart.
so for both our sake.
lets hope our futures aren’t at stake.

i love you man!

2009-03-31T00:16:00.000-07:00

ok so this definitely has to be one of

the funniest movies out right now. went out tonight had a great movie night so at this point im content with that movie. A- (the minus was for how the guy acted the whole movie haha) but its still an "A"..
i really needed a good laugh and this did it!
so i recommend this movie to anyone that is not so happy to see this movie!
i guarantee you that you WILL have a better night.

hahah i love my extras in this blog.
welp long day goodnight blogger world=)
all i have to say is...

i love you man.

Call me Demented

2009-03-24T21:58:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the none blogging of mine.

alots been going on im my life sooooo kinda got slipped upp

sooo a update on my lifee

yeppp sooo got my wrist pierced-call me demented whateverr=)

andd checkk the nailss
Sooo me and tiana went shopping deff got some dooppee ishh

yahhh soo tiana just bought those glasses so she thought she was cool...
soooo after a long day at the malll
me and tiana were starving we deff wanted food (of course we did!)
called up the roomie jenny and went to

Papadeux!

yepp it wass so bomb tiana had alligator

i had shrimp and oysters
jenny had rice and raw oysters!

(and i just had to try a raw oyster)

over all a pretty good dayyyy=)

now the night before....yikkkeeess idk if we remember too much but here are the pics anywayy

sooooo thats a little update on a happier note lol... will be updating more sorryyy bloggerr worldd

p.s. yahh i love all of my fav twitters=)ashheellyy mrs, outrageous and SIN duhhh lmao

Identities reality

2009-03-14T19:15:00.000-07:00

To,
You, for whoever, you maybe
The one you have lost sight to see,
In your disguise, covered with societies mockery
Of how you should portray your imagery.
You could dominate you own opinion
And persuade others to have confidence as a male,
Instead surrounded by those who careless if you fail.
But yet;
you follow
When you could lead
Only to be in the shadows
Of those who wish they could be,
As great as you,
So they could succeed.
Persuaded that life is about
Money, Cars, and Hoes,
…Hoes, that are merely
Girls that no nothing about life
Back boneless women
That are accustom to sleepless nights
But GOD knows
I cant condemn
That they idolize you, more than him.
Have you men lost the meaning of love?
Is love to you just sex misspelled..
If so then your heart shall never prevail.
Yes; your hungry for success
But now you dine at a table of deceit
Blinded by the vision for which
the one you love is left with impressions of your feet.
Its reality that you fear
But, I know its there
Because ive seen a tear
Come from a heart that you
Never even knew was there.

Mayda Del Valle-Best poem ever!

2009-03-11T22:56:00.000-07:00

we are not your mothers
and are not meant to be
it is not our responsibility to raise you into respectful beings
you have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years
yet you come to us
wounded and half filled with promises you can only keep half the time
trying to suckle our sense of self dry
we’ve become much to accustomed to sleepless nights and damp pillows
have become accustomed to waiting for our empty beds
to be weighed down with the bodies of men heavy with the scent
and the hands of other women
mornings with swollen puffy eyes are becoming routine
and we simply wanting to be loved
simply wanting to be able to love ourselves unconditionally
simply wanting to be held and feel safe
simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us or not
play Hester Prynn
wear scarlet letters on our chests
become adulteresses
Cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve
willing to settle for less
willing to act like a little less than a goddesses
willing to sleep with the enemy
men too scared to stop acting like boys
thinking we can love away their scars
so we take the lashes of the insecurities they pour on us
and lick our wounds in quiet mourning for the little girls we lose by the minute
fast fading memories of playing hopscotch
and skippin’ rope
we now play freeze tag with each other’s hearts
play hide and seek with our love
if we just don’t breathe maybe we won’t get caught
up in the spider’s web we weave while waiting for what we give away to be returned

you said you had a photographic memory
but apparently you forgot that honesty
begins by being real with yourself
and the ones you claim you love
should have never wasted my time
and just acted like the man you claimed and told the world you were
made a production of setting my folks at ease with tales of how you’d do all it ever took to never break my heart
I guess you thought you were talking to a roomful of the deaf and blind
figured they didn’t hear you
coz I never saw it coming
but the truth cannot be hidden
what’s clouded in darkness will always come to light my love
you shoulda known that
claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly
so I left
chasing paper trails of promises you’d already set on fire
left with nothing but the ashes of who you’d written that you were
and singed fingers from trying to grasp the impossible

and the only thing I’ve really lost
are lukewarm kisses
that for too long I kept trying to tune the beat of my heart, a few lies, and stories
about honesty and truth

I guess shit happens
I just wish it wasn’t me

and I guess
it’s so much better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all
I know that’s some easy shit to say

but I’m still gonna try to live by it
I’m still gonna try to put my faith to rest in it

I will sleep on dry pillows now in a bed big enough to love myself in
I will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and shining
full of the knowledge I am priceless and worth nothing but honesty
I will remove the scarlet letter from my chest and hold the hand of the little girl I used to be
and say I’m sorry to her
I’m sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved
and I will wait
for a man
to come along that can give me the truth of how much he can really love me

Amateurs

2009-03-03T00:22:00.001-08:00

fkdlfjaidfhheifoaeibgjghejieo****

This is how i have felt for the last week.
im pissed
im hormonal.
and i have writers block
i have so much to write about it won’t come out.
ugh.
i hate all of them;
and yu enjoy that factor of it.
pshh.
Amateurs.

yepp bloggers yu caught me on a emotional night.

i just needed to vent a lil and say that ill be TRYING to write soon.

" j'espère qu'ils blessent aussi le mauvais comme le fais je !"

brittnicole____

drunken weekends

2009-02-16T12:58:00.000-08:00

Today;
He will say he loves me
Can’t live without me
Just wants to hold me.
He will say he didn’t mean to weaken me
That it should have never happened
And that he is sorry….

He will make me cry because;
He doesn’t know how to handle my love.
Wipe away my tears
And tell me everything’s ok.

He will make me feel protected
Convince me I’m his only aspiration.
He will show his dedication

Today;

He will hear me but will not listen.
Sit there with a vacant stare
question why he keeps doing wrong.

He will wonder if
“this is it”
“The last straw”
How much more can she endure?

He will sit there with
Vulnerable eyes
that can see right through me.

He will read my mind
And know what I am thinking
“That I love him”
He will grab my hands
And know my love is too profound
To detach
But; knows my arrogance will not
Leave these words unspoken.
He knows my heart is broken.

Yet; he smiles knowing that
My heart will mend.
Just like every weekend..
I forgave him
Again…

“I am more than what you bargained for, nothing less than real”—Drake

Valentines day ending,..

2009-02-15T11:14:00.000-08:00

Valentines day was not the most romantic...buttt me and tiana had fun..

-----there will be another blog about the details of valentines day----------

sooo we went to jilly's and saw mike jonees...

we were super close to him.

soo in the middle of mike jones rapping---"im in love with a stripper" a big fight broke out with some girl and a white girl that may have actually been a stripper....

i got pushed on stage with mike jones and almost knocked down the dj booth...because so may ppl were up there....
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
anywhooo.. we danced took pics chilled..
had to call a girl out for stepping out of line but other than that pretty good jillys night......

me and tiana at jilly's chilling.----why did we get vip and didnt get a pic with mike jones lol lame...

highlights of the night.

.....lele was deff the most entertaining person at jilly's that night.....

....simple

2009-02-08T23:51:00.000-08:00

-------To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful----------

ill continue to write...
will update soon.\\\\\

brittnicole-

Ecrit!!!!

2009-02-06T07:37:00.000-08:00

Okk; sooo yesterday me and tiana finally got our tats...
after a horrible wednesday of going to 4 tattoo shops
1st one closed.
2nd one only one tat artist did finger tats & he wasnt working
(of course)
3rd one closed in 15 mins.
/..... pause.........
in the middle of this driving wasting gas we manage to
get the gas light on; get lost; and pick up markk... '
(he was so annoyed lmao)

continued.....
4th one...
duuhhhh it was closseedd... hahahah
(it really wasnt funny at the time.)
so we drove around for a hour.
listen to (i like big butts)----o my god.... Beckyyy look at her butt....
yahhh thats how me and tiana rolled on wednesday night.
no tat
hungry
n tired.
now yesterday...
\camyyoooo rolled with us...
(with her glass cup juice)hahha
n we got tatted.
the tattoo artist chickk was so ..h.mmmm out there... pretty much dope..
but anywho...
here are the horrible pics that we tried to take with my phone cuz my camara dieedd...
lol......

wah yu think bloggers?
ps...............................................

heard yu got tattoo's on yur knees (dark cirles) dooopppppeeee............
eeww.. nn yur already dirty darkkkk
(insider w/ reckless)

Cigarette use...

2009-02-02T18:34:00.000-08:00

Just another one out of the bunch
To yu we all appear identical
whats the divergence from one to another
when all satisfy yur needs.
but yet yu prefer me.
to prepare for yur satisfaction
its me.
yu tap to get yur attention.
yur lips wrapped around me
as if im yur only yearning
yur body is craving and im there
like constantly.
The light, fire that embraces the passion we have for each other
the energy that intertwines us is
Addictive.
But yu can only suck the existence out of me.
The energy increases.
Meanwhile i decrease.
But it makes yu feel so superior to use me up.
so good that yur willing
To put me out at anytime.
Just to save me for later.
Once yu have had adequate time with me
in yur system.
Yu put me out as if im some off brand that yur not use to.
yu dont want to throw me out
Because there is more of me left
For yu to utilize later

So no.

Maybe yu will stick me
Behind yur ear?

No.

I could get to comfortable up in yur ear all day
something yu dont need to

Distract yu.

not in yur pocket.
I'll be smothered and compressed with very slight room to breath
so what do yu do?
so that ill last long enough to satisfy yu.
and keep yu accompany.

The box, the pack
Throw me in with the rest
As if i'm not unique.
Back in i go.

....

This time I'm different
Now I'm dull, belittled, and burnt.

something THEY have not yet encountered.

I sit in Mystification.

why is it we fall in love?

Weekends...

2008-12-19T18:40:00.000-08:00

The weekends are suppose to be your time off.

time to relax.

go out.

have fun.

whatever.
why is that almost every weekend of my life consist of

complication.

it always happens i swear for the couple of months since like
may.

OK Friday nights.

Friday nights are more of my chill nights
reason being i just worked a full week

40 hrs.

and I'm tired and would rather stay in and watch a movie

or just kick back with friends.

pretty simple right.

Wrong.

most of my Friday nights consist of wondering what the hell everyone is going to do.
its always some club. (which i don't want to go to because I'm tired)
no one knows what their doing til about 12:30

or all my girls chillin' with they dudes and I'm just like left out

ughhh.......

OK Saturday night.

OK Saturdays are a little better.

other than the fact.

Tiana is at work so i cant chill with her

Camille is all boo'd up

and anything that i do want to do during the day....

dun duh dun duhhhh..... waallaaa...

it doesn't happen.

now towards the sunset I'm completely ready to go out

these are mainly the club/party nights.

now this is the problem.

we(us girls)

will get all ready to go out lookin bomb. (as usual)

and either before,or during this so called

("poppin party")

there is always a fight and the shit gets shut down.

so basically we wasted a

outfit.

time.

and F-n'

10 bills.

o yah lets not forget about gas!

(because of course everything is always far)

Sunday's

OK now by this time I'm completely over the weekends. i recap on how lame the F-n' weekend was

and i usually end up buying my self something from

Forever21

this makes me feel a tad. bit better.

it just seems i have more excitement on the weekdays going to work and

arguing with ppl all day then i do on the weekends.

and Sunday nights are pretty much out why.?

I'm independent and have a job to be at in the morning.

uh.

I'm so frustrated right now

and no one has yet to make my night.

hopefully my weekends will get better.

out.

update*** grey's fam always makes my night so scratch that

Addicted

2008-12-14T17:54:00.000-08:00

OK im entirely too sore. i cant explain how bad it hurts.

legs

arms

everything.

So alot happened this weekend.. well Friday went over my lil bros

Echo's

house ... we had so much fun deff. saw the bestie drunk for the first time.

haha

got to see Greyson...DEFF made the night.

;)

anywho...

Saturday i went to my jobs Christmas party and it was actually fun omg. lol

me n heather went to echos again.

Got there and there was so many white ppl ..(and of course beer pong)

snowbunnies.

lol overall good night.....

.........................................................................................................................................................................

now when i look at you and you look at me...

and nothing is said ....

for almost a breath of a second.

i feel like we can have

dawn n Q love...

Beyonce and Jay-z love

im just trying to figure out when we going to make our own love.

you say you love me but why do i only have 75% of your heart?

When i love

and you love

we love.

our love is like

rain on a sunny day.

like waking up to a cloudy morning.

so what else is there for me to do but sit and think.

Think about how happy we could be.

how in the morning you would wake up and just smile

because you know that i love you

and that im there.

you would smile knowing we still laugh at the little things no one else

understands.

...........

my heart feels like it skips a beat

when those three letter words come from you.

it means something to me.

i try to figure out whats going to happen next.

..well i know this...

YOU MAKE ME SMILE.

the sensational feeling you give to me is undiscribable

your like a drug....

and ive be come addicted.

ilayu

no gym tonight=loved

2008-12-02T21:20:00.000-08:00

love notes..

today no gym

loved.

she's his wifey...

loved.

who from whoville.

time for bed.

just a lil baby.

yes today i had a pretty good day

back.

2008-12-01T23:27:00.000-08:00

i dont understand
its like one minute yur happy
the next yur not
one min yu love
the next its as if yu dont care.
***i go through this shit all the time. its like when its convenient for everyone else to have me around or talk to me then cool...right?!?!***
lets see my weekend yah ups n downs over all it was pretty good. like really good. now its Tuesday n i feel like i have had just the worst week ever. dont really have anyone to talk to at this point that would understand. the ones that i would talk to are hush mouth! and im tired of everyone having me there to talk to but its not returned.

breath.

and to top it off i have homework.

silence...

2008-11-18T00:16:00.000-08:00

Tonight...

my heart is still...

my mind is congested

my breaths are short...

n my sight is blurred.

i dont know what to think

or what to say...

im blank.

something that doesn't happen too often.

i feel myself wanting to back up from everyone at this point.

maybe im just tired

maybe im stressed.

maybe im hurt.

no it cant be.

no tears fall.. so what does that mean?

does it mean my heart is cold.

or are my tears in drought.

why am i so afraid when the answers are right in front of me...
my sight that is impaired by
love?
lies??
hate??
disappointment.....???

then i realize i just disappointed myself.

what a shame.

such a beautiful,strong(weak),
mind...

wasted.

on everything for nothing.

im tired. so im out.

Tonight i am silent

"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today."

Omg Asparagus!!

2008-10-26T23:33:00.000-07:00

..........................................................

Camille And Brittany -In ikia-

Brittany: I cant wait to move in our new place

Camille: Yah i know we are gonna have a bomb ass apartment

Brittany:(walking to the plant area) (looks over at bamboo plant)

Camille:(runs over to BAMBOO plant) says: O MY GOD ASPARAGUS!

Brittany:omg camille thats a bamboo plant(weak. laughing so hard almost in tears)

Blondes.=)

Unappealing Eye?

2008-10-17T14:52:00.000-07:00

yu make me despise
the way yu are.
how yu act.
how yu feel.
yur thinking ability
is equal to a child
a child that is not ready
to grow up.
but yet i got close..
caught up in this fairy tale
fantasy.
A fantasy thats merely
only a dream.
a simple..wish,
a hope
that yur
incompetent feelings
will help my inability to understand
how yu think.
easy for yu to just call another
girl,
and hard for me..

to let go.

me wondering if yur words
are only in my ears..
i make excuses to
not be mad at yu

but how could i not?

when yu cant be
real..
wit me
the truth in my words
are not compatible with
yur actions.
so attached, overwhelmed
with feelings for yu.
as yu brush me off
like a nat!?
buggn' the shit out of yu.

but who are yu?.....

the "man" that wants
me changed?
keep my inner being
but
change my outer look
as if im not appealing
to yur
eye.
like i need to be a damn
perfect super model for
yu to be satisfied
yur not comfortable with
my own skin...
but
want to keep me around.....

why?.....

Congestion

2008-10-16T21:23:00.000-07:00

I don't get you..

Nor do i understand.

everytime I get close

you pull back.

As soon as i pull back

you creep your way over.

Do i still care.

yes.

Do you cross my mind.

yes.

can i help it

no.

you constantly do as you please..

like im change in your pocket, you keep in case..

you have nothing left.

The significance i mean to you

is slim to....none.

so why i still hurt is ridiculous.

emotionless feelings

that i cant get rid of

because of what??..

me trusting you..

by letting myself get to deep to you.

now i drown myself with

dry tears

that i soon forget about throughout the day

but undesired thoughts as i lay

on a damped pillow

at night

what do you want from me.....

-just something to put on here til my blogging starts-