Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Away from life, away from humanity.
out far from no where. where i can scream at the world. Even though im so far out i cant see it but i know that the world keeps spinning. My peace with it im still trying to find. The waves crashing into me from all sides. With different faces they laugh as i struggle to…
These evil faces, souls filled with dark spaces they laugh. Because misery loves company and i wont join them.
In my own fear of falling victim to life. Hoping to breathe a breath of fresh air.
But i have forgotten how to swim. Teaching those in hope that they would remember what it felt like to drown. Reality has become insanity where my sane has lost me…. or ive lost it… i dont know who left who but, 
i want it back. 
And as im out here lost, drowning a flash back of my younger being clouds my mind. All i can see is him….. with his hands under my body looking down at me saying. 
"you must learn how to float before you can swim" 
Eyes open i come back. Im still drowning. I stop trying to swim allowing my body to come to the surface and… 
Float back to life because my future is waiting. Back to shore where i can stand again. I wont be standing alone Love will be waiting for me. Because the Love was never lost.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013


Is there such a thing called 
being "too nice?" "caring too much?".
I think your heart gets filled up with 
so much disappointment, and disgust 
that... its not even worth changing 
who you are for it. so ill be, 
"too nice" & "care too much"
if i change that would only give you more credit.
& its not worth it. 


"It doesn't hurt because if you keep hurting the same part of you again and again and again, the nerve endings all die. And when that happens, that part of you goes numb. That's why it doesn't hurt. Don't be proud of it." - IWTFY

Saturday, January 26, 2013

My Brothers' Keeper

His eyes were dark.
Filled with unknown answers and I had a million questions.
These eyes I remembered so soft like a Childs.
Pure and inspirational.
I cringed for him because his eyes reminded me of my pain.
His same routines became tiresome.
Never knowing how to make amends with trust.
Falling backwards blindfolded in hopes someone will catch you.
I gave you a parachute.
Words to help you stay flying until you found your way back home.
He told me his ‘flight was shackles coated in fear that give way to our deepest pains.
Maintained that distance because the heart hurt more than he smiled.
My brother’s smile was like receiving a piece of heaven.
We all have our childlike insecurities.
We never kept secrets because we were afraid of the lies.
Lies that would creep around in the night leaving you sleepless.
Punished because you weren’t afraid of being honest.
I never understood why you would disappear for so long.
Unknown questions I didn’t care to know the answers to
You were back.
Broken but fixable.
Angry with anyone that ever hurt you. But I always had a forgiving heart.
Ready on the front lines if anyone dare to strike bullets at you.
Protecting our friendship so you would never be broken to no return.
Standing ready because you were not alone.
Reaching out, looking past the smoke and debris the only person around was me.
Retracing our child memories again my brother had left me.
Alone…. so I chose my battles carefully.
Still defending…
 For I had love for you.
I was always older, but you were bigger so I knew I would be protected.
Another loved one gone.
Unknown reasons, that no longer mattered.
I was real, my intentions never to draw weapons because I only knew how to love.
Thriving off inspiration to have it sucked out of me.
Fallen tears, because I never learn my lesson.
No words, no goodbyes, or amends.
Tossing because I’ve lost another friend.
Closing my eyes I could pretend nothing ever happened.
Wish on falling stars that I would have maintained my distance.
Loss of a brother will be another pain I have to swallow.
Another needle drawn to my skin.
Never having the chance to tell him my story because he was gone.
Our stories will never fade.
Always making them permanent in case my memory fades.
Our circumstance was a mire image of bad timing.
Falling was never an option
Just a free fall until your feet touched the ground.
Searching for a piece of sanity
My words were only to keep your head above water.
Never to let you drown.
We hide our scars because weakness is not an option.
Tuck them in quiet places so they will never remind us that we can still bleed.
Hearts broken just to walk barefoot on broken glass.
Liable to bleed without ever seeing the cut.
My cuts are always hidden.
Covered away for a rainy day.
Just to sit and write melancholy writings.
Smiling but my lips always go numb.
Pretty insecurities have become consistent.
No one there when I scrap my knee.
Sorry’s merely are unsecured bandages.
Falling off when it rains.
To take the time to see why I have even fallen
Is apparently insane
A true apology from anyone. Is just screaming in vain.