Tuesday, March 1, 2011

“without suffering there would be no compassion”

The pain that I feel is indescribable

Life time friendships ruined in a matter of a night

I don’t even know if I am strong enough for this fight

This agony of my life falling apart in the palms of my hands

Once again by a man.

But not just anyone. My other half

My heart, my soul

I guess years of dedication are no longer symbolistic

My life at arm’s reach but not even being able to hold on

How many tears do I need to cry?

To prove my loyalty

I believe my scars have left enough symbolic memories of my life.

I’m beginning to lose who I am

Questioning if god still loves me and if love is there why he has allowed hell into my life

This no longer has anything to do with my pride..

Because pride makes the heart hard and from the womb my hearts always been soft.

Can’t change who I am for the comfort of your pleasure.

Try playing the victim because you have begun to murder your own heart.

Taking down walls that should of never been built.

My hands begin to bleed trying to climb these walls.

Can’t hide behind my smiles and pretend that I still don’t bleed.

Your mark is so deep that I no longer no where to begin to cleanse this wound.

You have taken everything that I have created and let her in. ‘

Prancing around like some kind of goddess as she rests her head where

My scent use to lie. Doing all the things that we planned with her

But really lying to yourself wishing her. Was me

Do I still haunt you in your sleep because you have stayed in my dreams

I try to hide behind my laughs and smiles like everything is ok.

When all I have are ache’s from silent screams, damped pillows from these endless dreams.

I still feel your hands across my body as I lay at night

And the sensational feeling of you rubbing your fingers through my hair to help me sleep at night.

Well I may have not slept so well but I did sleep

My eyes are burning from watching every sunrise to sunset

Wondering when I will ever sleep again.

I have destroyed everything that reminds me of my pain

But the memories still know their way back home.

My eyes begin to chase stars hoping that fairy tales still can come true.

But how can there be a fairy tale without you?

I was not perfect but I have served my sentence

No longer guilty because I have proven my innocence.

My words have become the bars and you have been locked inside of me

Trying to get the strength to find the key and set you free.

If I could go back. Back to the days when love didn’t hurt so much

When crying only came from laughing

When I love you made your heart sink.

Because that was love. Our love.

And if I close my eyes I can still see you and me

Even through all the pain and suffering

I still stand strong waiting for you to take me by your side

For you to protect my pride, show me loyalty.

Because there’s no real you without me.

one day you will begin too see.

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