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Sometimes Promises are never enough.

The word 'Loyalty' is insignificant to this generation.

Even passed our own generation has no room

For meaningless advice, the word loyalty has become faint.

We never know what kind of destruction

Our hearts will lead us to.

The heart is a dangerous weapon.

Leading us in the dark

Blinded because we know not any truth.

How do i follow my heart..

when it only leads me to melancholy writings.

I've tried to leave memories behind

But they always play catch up; reminding me i can never forget.

Letting letters and old photographs stray me off

Murder my secrets that i swore i would keep to myself.

You always did have a way of exposing my secrecy.

My secrets are now frozen at the place where I claimed to heal.

The wounds must of become too familiar

And now are transparent to my skin.

I have been at this place before,

So i should know how to finish this book.

Each time adding on a new chapter, New page in this book.

I forget how to finish.

Pretty hands bleed, from the scars etched in these pages.

You would think i would learn to re-read the manuscript

Remember my pain.

I've begun writing in vain.

Not learning from my mistakes.

Misery silently creeps through my words and I lose who I become.

Each time your blows are hidden on my body.

No one ever knowing I was weakened.

Tears stain my cheeks, for now the music was lost.

Sweet lullabies'

Placing warm smiles on summer days'

A melody of memories has ceased.

Lying still. I have died a little.

I dont blame you.

I have murdered my own heart

Allowing you to steal my dreams'

Take away the small joy I once claimed.

Still never had the strength to curse your name.

Even when you cut,

going straight for the throat.

Humiliation invades my screaming walls.

Another sentence, demolishing this book we created.

Never allowing me to finish a pretty sentence.

Fairy tales are always left at a distance.

Writings' have become my witness.

These Walls

We have secrets only the walls can share.

Keeping them alive within their truth

Soft kisses, and warm touches

Countless mornings, when the sun awoke us to each other

Holding breaths just to be relieved

by seeing the reflection of your eyes looking at mine.

Moments captured in memories only the walls can conceal

Intimate talks and soft laughs beneath the sheets.

My lips never going dry from the warm moister of your breath

Pictures fill walls of desire

Never having absence of compassion.

We all have a weakness of being in complete serenity of love

Being in love was like overwhelming happiness

In empty spaces that I did not know I had In my heart

These walls knew it all.

They have witness silent screams and damp pillows

Seen a soulless body lie waiting for depleted love

Tears that cleanse the wounds on my body.

Washing away my pain, but drowning in sorrow.

Hearts begin to beat slowly as time slipped away.

Agony inside my heart .

Not being able to breathe because he was my air.

Love becoming sex without meaning.

Lying there helpless , questioning how it got to this point.

How all the deceit could catch up so fast.

These lies that I claimed I had forgiven.

But forgiveness doesn’t mean the pain doesn’t go away.

Having her lips imprinted on your collar

To remind me that my love was lost.

Which you began to feel my pain the same.

Never intentionally meaning to hurt you.

Asking only for a chance to bring back the love.

I guess one chance was asking to much from you my dear.

Beginning the new year with melancholy writings.

Never knowing the beginning was the end.

Leaving her scent in the home which we had created.

Losing faith because of your one heartbreak.

I never stopped loving .

My walls are my alibi that nothing ever changed.

The pictures remained on my walls invisible to anyone else

These walls can tell more stories than I can in one lifetime.

As if the scarlet letter attach to me wasn’t enough evidence

My secrets have been written on these walls.

Never leaving this room.

my walls have written :

we miss the sweet smell of your scent,

the morning laughs and compassionate nights.

Missing the music surrounding the love confided in this room.

Cold nights greeting you with warm mornings.

I could read the writings of these walls forever.

Reminisce the pictures they withhold.

I could put myself through misery

waiting for my walls to give me the answers.

Writing about our yesterdays waiting for tomorrow to happen.

I could never leave these walls because they have comforted me

In which my soul cannot let go

These walls have changed history

Leaving behind a declaration of our devotion.

Remembering our past so its not condemned to repeat

Swearing to secrecy the writings on these walls

Are like the ink on my body telling stories

Of the pain when it happened,

But that pain only last for so long before the body is imbedded in ink.

Reading the scripture of the walls the stories will remain the same

My walls will always manuscript your name.

Story Synopsis

This is becoming redundant.

Walking around like some kind of god.

Trying to figure out the world’s philosophy

You know nothing without knowledge

One day you will learn when the salt hits

And your eyes begin to burn.

Thanking me for everything when your actions

Show me no credit for my hard work.

So yet I have failed, in accomplishing any mission.

Trying to find different ways to make you better

In this world that you live in.

Maybe I should of invested in glass

And your time may not pass so easily

When looking in the reflection of your own filth

This mess you created

no one can see it Because they think that you’ve made it.

But you have Your picture locked away behind a bolted door

Hiding it from the world so they cannot see the damage

To this frame,

all they see is youth a price you pay in vain.

Ain't it a shame how so many pictures can tell so many lies

Never needed a picture because you were living in a painting.

Always wanted to freeze time when time was in the frame.

Now all you freeze is pain.

And you wonder why it’s not the same.

Began to sink in this ocean of lies,

Great swimmer but could only trend water for so long.

Started to drown in this wave you call life.

Going up and down up and down

How do you expect to survive?

These waves causing massive destruction

Poor Japan, they were left with nothing.

Being under water you lose all senses.

Doesn’t seem worth it

Thank god I finally made it out of this ocean

Got sea sick from this wave of emotion.

Now I can finally breathe

Standing on land that was created for me.

Because the ground also moves

Just hard to see when you don’t look at your feet.

I lied. Saying I didn’t know if I could make it

Saw my options and finally weighed it.

My scars remain permanent

Never forgetting the pain

Of her name edged on your lips in vain

With my soul wounded my smile still remains the same

Won’t play the victim ill take my part

Wednesdays are sad days at the same ol park.

Understand my silence.

Because this is becoming so timeless.

Think this is the story synopsis

Trust me I haven’t even began to write it.

“without suffering there would be no compassion”

The pain that I feel is indescribable

Life time friendships ruined in a matter of a night

I don’t even know if I am strong enough for this fight

This agony of my life falling apart in the palms of my hands

Once again by a man.

But not just anyone. My other half

My heart, my soul

I guess years of dedication are no longer symbolistic

My life at arm’s reach but not even being able to hold on

How many tears do I need to cry?

To prove my loyalty

I believe my scars have left enough symbolic memories of my life.

I’m beginning to lose who I am

Questioning if god still loves me and if love is there why he has allowed hell into my life

This no longer has anything to do with my pride..

Because pride makes the heart hard and from the womb my hearts always been soft.

Can’t change who I am for the comfort of your pleasure.

Try playing the victim because you have begun to murder your own heart.

Taking down walls that should of never been built.

My hands begin to bleed trying to climb these walls.

Can’t hide behind my smiles and pretend that I still don’t bleed.

Your mark is so deep that I no longer no where to begin to cleanse this wound.

You have taken everything that I have created and let her in. ‘

Prancing around like some kind of goddess as she rests her head where

My scent use to lie. Doing all the things that we planned with her

But really lying to yourself wishing her. Was me

Do I still haunt you in your sleep because you have stayed in my dreams

I try to hide behind my laughs and smiles like everything is ok.

When all I have are ache’s from silent screams, damped pillows from these endless dreams.

I still feel your hands across my body as I lay at night

And the sensational feeling of you rubbing your fingers through my hair to help me sleep at night.

Well I may have not slept so well but I did sleep

My eyes are burning from watching every sunrise to sunset

Wondering when I will ever sleep again.

I have destroyed everything that reminds me of my pain

But the memories still know their way back home.

My eyes begin to chase stars hoping that fairy tales still can come true.

But how can there be a fairy tale without you?

I was not perfect but I have served my sentence

No longer guilty because I have proven my innocence.

My words have become the bars and you have been locked inside of me

Trying to get the strength to find the key and set you free.

If I could go back. Back to the days when love didn’t hurt so much

When crying only came from laughing

When I love you made your heart sink.

Because that was love. Our love.

And if I close my eyes I can still see you and me

Even through all the pain and suffering

I still stand strong waiting for you to take me by your side

For you to protect my pride, show me loyalty.

Because there’s no real you without me.

one day you will begin too see.

La cicatrisation des plaies

You have become my enemy.
Where we stand at battle lines
Drawing out our weapons.
Air has stopped filling my lungs
for now I am empty.
The heat from the line of words
is becoming to heavy
I no longer have any words to
speak.
Now my notebook reeks of our blood
Stains that cannot be washed
Fighting for justice from being Humilulated in front of friends.
Friends that now stand behind my enemy lines.
Forming your army filled with
lies and promises that were broken.
You forgot all our words ever spoken.
Now I am a foreigner to you
a stranger you no longer recognize
because you have learned to hide behind your lies and now
it’s the loyalty in which you
deprive.
Ive taken the letters and
shredded them into paper like
pieces and burn them straight to hell.
And I’m a little bit “crazy” in your words if you can’t tell
But in my words it’s not called crazy it’s called love…
Or being unloved.
I am done
Found me a new weapon so I put away my gun
If it’s victory you search for then you have won.
Flight is freedom
But my wings have not left the ground
This war has cause me to be mentally bound.
I now have new battle wounds to show that this fight was real
It’s not just my heart that needs to be healed
I have friends that always question my motive
Wondering why I never spoke out. And only wrote it
I should of known I was wrong singing my friends the same sad old song
I never took the time to listen
Because you were all in my ear saying it was none of their business
Now I have all these photographic memories
Thanking god if finally hit me.
Digging up all these deep rooted issues
Looking in my mirror screaming “I finally missed you”
You might have an idea but you don’t know what the fuck I’ve been through.

Brittnicole-